Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Get to Know Mike

Here are my husbands answers to the questions I asked him. Hope you enjoy getting to know the man I love, and Chloe's Father! Be on the look out for more posts from Mike in the future!

Q: How would you describe yourself?
A: Easy going, creative, and more of an optimist than a realist.

Q: What are you most passionate about?
 A: On the surface it may seem that music would be the thing I'm most passionate about. But, the   things in my life that move, influence, and mean the most are God, my family, and my friends.

Q: If you had to pick just one thing to eat for the rest of your life what would it be?

A: JJ Twigs large pepperoni pizza! I would probably die within two months but it would be one hell of a way to die!

Q: Whats your favorite type of music?
 A: I love all kinds of music but what I love the most is when the band or songwriter doesnt hold back and doubt themselves. God gave everyone a different personality to mirror how he is the master of creation.

Q: What do you love about songwriting and creating music?
 A: When you feel like you are capturing something that you didn't make. Like you are being shown something that no one else will ever hear that way again, and as a writer you get an incredible opportunity to share that with everyone. That's why I try to record ideas as soon as they come on my phone, because it always happens when you don't expect it to.

Q: Describe how you felt when you found out your were having a baby?
A: Shocked and scared honestly, because I didn't think I would be a good enough parent. I literally felt like God was telling me that he was going to show me how much he loved me through how much I love her. 

Q: Describe how you felt when you found out your were having a daughter?
 A: Very excited because for some reason I wanted a baby girl first.

Q: What is your view point on birth?
 A: I believe it should happen as comfortably and naturally as possible. The way woman are designed is perfect for making babies. Hospitals are necessary for complications but its not meant to be a medical procedure for every healthy mother and baby.  Obviously I am grateful that our baby is healthy along with my wife. I did not appreciate the lack of information that the doctors and nurses gave us about what they were going to do. My wife did amazing and my baby is beautiful. 

Q: What went through your mind when you saw your daughter for the first time?
A: Wow she is big and Wow she can really cry! I just wanted her to know how beautiful and loved she was!

Q: What are some things you love about being a Dad?
 A: Getting the opportunity to know and love Chloe because she is a miracle. Seeing her become a little girl. I love talking with her and holding her during bath time. I cant wait to hear her laugh. I love singing to her because she listens so well. Its really amazing to see her try so hard to learn.

Q: What are some challenges in being a Dad?

A: Trying to understand what she is feeling is difficult sometimes. The amount of responsibility can be intimidating. Putting Chloe's and Jen's needs before my own requires some reprogramming for sure. But like everything else in life the hardest things are where we grow the most. Trying to remember that when we are broke and Jen and I are fighting with a little one to take care of is a lot harder than it is to say. Remembering to pray is a big challenge as well.

Q: What are your hopes and dreams for Chloe?
A: That throughout her life she will always know that she is loved more than she will ever understand by God, her family, and others around her. And that she is so beautiful the way she is and that there were no mistakes in the making of her. Most of all that she would know Jesus and have a relationship with Him that could never be broken by anything or anyone no matter what. Because with that she can do anything.

Q: What kind of Father do you hope to be?
A: One that leads by example. A dad that she will trust and confide in, and that she will never doubt how much I love and care for her. I know I will make plenty of mistakes but  I just want to be there for her.

Some Exciting News

I'm excited to share that my husband is now going to be blogging on my blog. Basically just whenever he feels like it and has something he wants to share. I'm really excited to have him be apart of my this, his support really means so much to me. I'm also looking forward to reading what he has to say, I feel like I'm going to learn so much more about my husband through his writing. His first post is going to be a q&a so that everyone can get to know him a little better. So be on the look out for that!

In other exciting news,  one week from today we will be in Chicago with our family and friends showing off our little pumpkin!! I'm so excited for our first vacation as a family of three!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

On Losing A Friend

This morning while I was on my facebook page I decided to look through my messages and start deleting all the ones I didn't need anymore. I stumbled upon this message from a friend.

"been okay, saw Joe on News years he mentioned he was flying out to your wedding. Congrats on that, how did you end up having the wedding and where? I just got back to IL a few days ago, was out in AZ. Call me anytime, number is the same. Loved to hear from you. And are you still in Seattle, i have friends out there and would love to come and visit. Take care girl, and try to get some time to call! Hope all is well, Kerry."

This was in April 2010, in October she passed away. I never wrote her back or gave her a call. I had every intention to do so, but would get busy and then forget. Before she passed away I was hoping to get together with her in November when Mike and I flew back home to Chicago for Thanksgiving. I wanted to tell her that I was pregnant. I wanted to share stories with her, to laugh about old times, to finally see her face to face. But none of that ever got to happen. I wish I would have written her back, I wish I would have taken the time to call her before she passed.

When I was much younger Kerry was my best friend, we were inseparable. As time went on we grew apart, made different friends. Throughout the years we would drift back into each others life for short periods of time. It felt like nothing ever changed between us, like we had always been there for one another the whole time. Unfortunately when ever we got together I made a lot of poor decisions, and did a lot of things that I now regret as an adult. I think the last time I saw Kerry was 8 years ago, when I was 17.

When I moved out to Seattle I reconnected with her through myspace, we talked for a few hours on the phone once. Then we stopped talking again. Time passed and once again we reconnected but through facebook this time, we sent a few messages back and forth, lost touch, and in April of 2010 I sent her a message asking her how she was doing. That was the last time I heard from her. 

If I could go back in time I would have written her back, I would have called her. Though we were not close friends anymore she is still someone I cared about and so many of my memories of when I was younger had her in them.

I'm going to keep that message. It's a reminder that life is precious and fragile. That I should never be to busy to cherish the ones i love. It's a reminder to take time for one another.

I love you Kerry, I always will! Thank you for being my friend and for all the memories we share!

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Calling All....

I would love to start having guest bloggers on my blog, I don't have all the details right now since I'm pretty new to this, but it seems like it would be a lot of fun and a great way to get to know other Mom bloggers! I'm thinking the post could be about "getting to know you and your blog". Also I would love to be a guest blogger as well, so if you are interested in being a guest blogger or to have me be a guest blogger on your blog please contact me at or leave a comment below with your information!

Friday, August 26, 2011

On My Heart: The Birth Story

I am almost 11 weeks postpartum and still have not finished writing the birth story of my daughter. I'm working on it..... slowly. I actually have a lot written down but now I feel like I need to erase it all and start over from scratch. Those of you that know me and know the kind of birth Mike and I had planned for our daughter know that we didn't get what we wanted at all.

My daughter is healthy and in my eyes as perfect as can be, and I cant even express how grateful I am to God for that, but yes I am still sad about my birthing experience. As time goes on my feelings about the experience I had have gotten better, I rarely even think about it nowadays. The first month postpartum was a different story. It was all that I though about, everyday I would replay the whole experience over and over again in my head,  obsessing over every detail. I felt guilty, and sad, and like I had failed, and angry with myself, and angry that no one understood how I was feeling.

But life moved on....... and as each day passes me by I forget about it more and more. I think that's why it has taken me so long to write my daughters story, because it was so hard for me to accept it as it was. Writing about it meant that the words were alive and real, and that I couldn't hide from the truth anymore.

So this is where I stand today, I am in a much better place and am really looking forward to completing my daughters story and sharing it with those that want to read it!

One thing is for sure though I am going to work my butt off to have a vbac next time! For my unborn child, for myself, and for my beautiful sweet daughter Chloe.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Moments Like These

I know I will cherish forever! Years from now when I take a look at these pictures of my daughter and I, I will smile a great big smile remembering all the special moments we have shared together! Today my sweet baby is 10 weeks old!

Monday, August 22, 2011

More Than Anything

I am often filled with anxiety as a new Mother. Terrified I am doing everything wrong. Does Chloe feel loved?, Does she feel safe? Does she feel that she can trust that both her parents will meet her needs? Is she eating enough, sleeping enough, to hot or to cold? To many dirty diapers, not enough? Why is she spitting up so much today? Was it something I did, something I ate? Everyday these questions swirl around my head, making me feel completely exhausted and dizzy with worry. I will admit that there are times when I am scared  I am doing this whole Mothering thing wrong. I honestly hate that feeling.

I just want more than anything for Chloe to feel so loved and adored by her Father and I. I want her to feel safe and secure, that she can trust that her parents will meet her needs, that she never has to feel scared and alone. More than anything I want Chloe to know that her Mom and Dad will always be there for her, guiding her through her own journey in life. I want her to know how absolutely beautiful she is, and that God made her perfectly with his own hands. I want Chloe to feel proud of who she is, to feel confident. I want her to feel encouraged by her parents, supported, and that  her voice is heard.  More than anything I want Chloe to grow up in a home with parents that love each other and respect one an other.

I know that I am not going to be the perfect Mother, I know that I will make plenty of mistakes in raising my daughter, but more than anything I just want Chloe to know that her parents love her so  very much and that she makes us so incredibly happy. I pray that she never has to question that.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

2 Months Old

My sweet little Chloe is now 2 months old! Time is just going by so incredibly fast. It's so bittersweet watching her grow before my eyes. Everyday she is growing more and more into a baby and becoming less of a newborn. We are just having the greatest time being new parents and I honestly don't remember life without Chloe.

Chloe's stats: 

my little pumpkin now weighs 14 lbs 13 oz and is 23 3/4 inches long. She is in the 95 % for height and above the 95 % for weight.

Life with Chloe: gets sweeter everyday! Chloe has longer periods of the day now were she is awake and alert and so filled with curiosity. Chloe loves music and hearing Mike and I sing, she loves when we talk to her and will share with us the most beautiful smile I have ever seen, she loves to coo and make lots of sweet little noises, Chloe is getting so good at holding her head up, she loves when we give her lots of kisses and loves to be held and in her moby wrap. Chloe loves looking in the mirror and seems so fascinated with the image staring back at her, she loves to kick her little legs and wave her little arms up and down and, is starting to notice that she can make her toys move with her feet and hands. Chloe also loves bath time!! Mike will fill up the bathtub with warm water and hold Cloe in the water with him while I wash her hair and body. She loves feeling the warmth of the water on her skin and loves when Mike will hold her flat on her back so she can float around. Chloe doesn't like tummy time very much or to be held like a baby (she only likes that when she is falling asleep) she loves to sit up in our arms like a big girl.

Chloe loves to eat and we have had absolutely no problems with breastfeeding. She is also a really great sleeper, throughout the day she will take a few short naps and 2 longer naps. At night we share our bed with Chloe and she will wake up once to nurse around 5-6 in the morning and then fall back asleep and wont wake up till 9-10. We have a pretty loose schedule right now, everything we do is baby led, when Chloe wants to eat I let her eat, when she wants to sleep I let her sleep, and when she wants to play we play.

Everyday I am learning more about Chloe and learning her language. Some days are harder then others. No matter how exhausting being a Mom gets at times I wouldn't trade it for anything. I feel so blessed that Chloe is my daughter and cant thank God enough for the wonderful gift that she is to me!

I wonder what new and sweet things 3 months will bring us!

Monday, August 15, 2011

Dear Chloe: We Love You

We love you so much Chloe, it has been the most amazing two months of our lives!

Love always and forever,

Mom & Dad

Friday, August 12, 2011

10 New Mom Lessons

As a new Mom I am learning a lot about life, love, myself, and of course about Motherhood. Here is a random list of what I have learned so far, I know as time goes on I will be able to add so much more to this list.

:: I cant live without stain remover, between explosive diapers and spit up, Chloe's clothes really take a beating. The kind we use is baby oxi clean spray. It works amazing , and all of my daughters clothes still look brand new.

:: That I love wearing my daughter in the moby wrap , I love having her so close to me and being able to have my hands free. The other day I was able to vacuum, sweep, mop, and clean up the kitchen while Chloe slept peacefully against my chest.

:: Having some "me time" every morning while Chloe is still sleeping is way more important to me then a few extra hours of sleep.

::I can now do so many more things one handed!

::That snuggle time and sweet baby smiles can completely erase those really difficult days were everything seems to be going wrong!

:: I love my boppy pillow, it has made breastfeeding so much more comfortable , plus its come in handy in so many more ways.

:: I am even so much more grateful of Mike, I love knowing that we are doing this together! and I appreciate all that he does for Chloe and I, he is surely irreplaceable to us!

:: That I absolutely love breastfeeding! When I was pregnant with Chloe I knew how important it was for me to breastfeed my daughter but I never knew I would love it so much!

:: That getting boogers out of a baby's nose is very, very difficult. Chloe hates it.  It makes me so sad to see her so upset.

:: Most importantly what I have learned as a new Mom is that I absolutely LOVE being a Mother and I wouldn't trade this for anything in the whole world. I feel that this is what I was made for.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Dear Chloe: A Sweet Baby and Her Daddy

Dear Chloe,

         There is nothing more special and touching to me then to see you and your Daddy together. I have loved your Daddy for a long time , and in all the years that I have loved him I have always wondered what kind of Father he would be. Well my sweet Chloe ,  your Daddy is a natural at Fatherhood! The love he has for you is like nothing I have ever witnessed in your Daddy before. He adores you so much Chloe, I can see it in the way he holds you in his arms, the way he kisses your sweet little face, the way he plays with you each and every day. I can see that your Daddy's heart is overflowing with love for you , and that he is filled with so much happiness now that you have joined our little family.

Your Daddy holds close to his heart the special bond you two share, and I love that I get to witness it everyday. You love when your Daddy sings and plays the guitar for you, you always seem so soothed by his voice and so fascinated with the strings of the guitar and the beautiful sound they make. You love having conversations with your Daddy, we are filled with smiles when we hear you cooing away! The moment you lock eyes on your Daddy's face you flash this big , beautiful ,  gummy smile that has us both beaming from ear to ear, and our hearts completely melted. In the evening when your little body is so tired and your very fussy you love when your Daddy scoops you up into his arms and bounces with you on the exercise ball , sometimes it's the only thing that will soothe you my little one.

My dear sweet Chloe my heart feels so completely satisfied when I see the love your Daddy has for you. I'm filled with so much excitement at the thought of watching your relationship grow, all the adventures you two will have, the special conversations you will never forget, the hugs and kisses, and all that your Daddy is going to teach you about the love of Jesus. Your Daddy loves you so much Chloe, I see it each and everyday!

I love you baby girl, always and forever!

Your Mom

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

A New Appreciation

Through this journey of pregnancy, childbirth, and now motherhood I have a new found respect and appreciation for my body. Now when I look in the mirror I see a body that is strong, healthy, and nurturing, I see a body that grew the greatest most beautifulest gift I have ever received, I see a body that produces sweet milk for my daughter to drink. I am just in awe with God's creation of life and all its complexity. I can not thank God enough for blessing me with a body that is so perfectly made to have children. I feel so very blessed to have gotten the chance to experience pregnancy and the birth of my daughter.

In all honesty my body looks like its been through war. I have deep, pink stretchmarks that cover my stomach, loose skin from my belly stretching to accommodate my ever growing baby, and a long deep scar that runs across my lower abdomen from my c-section. To me my new body is beautiful because it tells a story that I am most proud of, the birth of my daughter!

Monday, August 1, 2011