On Breastfeeding and Weaning

Chloe, 20 months old, nursing to sleep.

When I was pregnant with Chloe it was my goal to breastfeed her until she was at least one year old, and then she was born and everything changed. As I held her tiny, warm body in my arms and nursed her for the first time I fell completely in love with her, my beautiful daughter. As each month passed and my daughter grew older, breastfeeding her become such a natural part of our lives. It was during those first few months as a new Mother when I came to the decision that I was going to nurse Chloe for as long as she liked, whether that be before she turned one or after, it was simply going to be up to her.

Now here we are, Chloe is 20 months old and still breastfeeding every single day. In my experience breastfeeding a toddler is much different then breastfeeding an infant, its harder, at least to me it is. Chloe is heavier, taller, stronger, and constantly moving, and naturally with age she has become more stubborn and strong willed, and is able to voice her opinion much easier then before. When Chloe was an infant I could easily roll over and nurse her in the middle of the night without even really waking up, but now those nightly feedings have become uncomfortable, painful, and disruptive to my sleep. Besides waking up multiple times a night to nurse Chloe, I feel like I am constantly nursing her throughout the day as well. These past few months I have often found myself feeling completely overwhelmed by Chloe's constant need to nurse. I miss having my body to myself.

I feel torn, Chloe loves nursing, and since the day she was born it's been a huge part of her life. On the other hand, I know if we continue on this path with no resolution or change Chloe and I's relationship is going to suffer. I never knew how difficult the decision to wean my daughter would be for me, but it is an incredibly hard and emotional one. I'm ready though, and I know that with time and love and patience Chloe will be ready to move on as well.

I've done a little bit of research on gentle weaning and know that this process can take many months, for which that I am grateful for. Our plan at this moment is to start cutting out all of the unnecessary feedings and eventually, I would love to be nursing Chloe only three times a day and none throughout the night. There is so much I am unsure of though, like how to night wean Chloe, what to do in those situations when she's crying and screaming for milk and nothing else will calm her down, and how to get her to enjoy eating solid food more. It's all a little overwhelming to be honest but I know that with love, time, and patience everything will work itself out in the end.

If you have gone through the process of weaning your child, or are currently going through the process, your stories, tips, and advice would be so gratefully appreciated!

Breastfeeding At 15 Months

Those quite moments curled up in bed with my daughter who's sweetly nursing away have become my most favorite moments of the day. When the world is still and calm, and its just me and my baby laying side by side. I feel so completely grateful for this wonderful experience, 15 1/2 months and we are still going strong. I know one day this will end, and so I'm trying to take as many pictures as I can to remember this beautiful time in my life.

Firsts: Her First Doll

Instagram photos @ beforeverlovely

A few days ago Mike and I took Chloe to Toys R Us to use a gift card Chloe received from her Great Aunt for her birthday. We got a few beautiful wooden toys, crayons to use in the bathtub, and a pretty blue eyed doll Chloe picked out all by herself! My heart melts when I look at these pictures of of my sweet Chloe cuddling with her very first baby doll. You can just tell she knows this toy is different from the rest, the way she looks at it with loving eyes, the way she wraps her arms around it for a hug. It's all way to much sweetness for me to take sometimes!

Do you remember your first doll?

Learning To Say Yes

This morning as Chloe and I sat at the kitchen table eating breakfast together she reminded me of something that was very important to me. After giving Chloe a few bites of yogurt she wanted to feed herself. My first reaction was no, I didn't want her to feed herself because I knew she would get really messy and I didn't want to spend the extra time cleaning her up. But then I looked at my daughter who is so full of curiosity, who just wants to play and learn and explore and I realized I had forgotten one of the most important things to me regarding Motherhood, saying yes instead of no.

There she sat in her highchair with a cup of yogurt in one and hand and a spoon in the other, happy has can be just feeding herself. In that moment I got to witness Chloe learn, and play and become one step closer to an independent toddler. I love moments like those, seeing Chloe learn and grow but its so easy for me to get caught up in my own agenda and miss out on these important moments for Chloe. 

I want to be the kind of Mom that says yes instead of constantly saying no. Obviously I'm not going to say yes to anything that could be dangerous and harmful but I will say yes to activities that make Chloe happy, that help her learn and discover more of who she is. Like letting her feed herself, or staying at the park for a few more minutes then I wanted to because Chloe's having so much fun, or letting her play with paint and paper even though that means extra cleanup for me.

I am so grateful for this lesson today, to be reminded of the kind of Mother I want to be. To see my daughter grow and experience precious moments in life is so refreshing to me, it opens my eyes and I too take the time to slow down, to forget about my schedule and agenda and really, really enjoy those simple yet precious moments in life, like the one in that picture above.

Still So Much To Learn

Instagram photos @ beforeverlovely

Next month Chloe will be turning one, as we inch closer and closer to that momentousness milestone its all I can think about these days. I guess I am just coming to the realization that my once tiny, sleepy newborn baby is blossoming into a toddler. I see it more and more in her everyday, the way she looks at me with a devilish grin right before touching something she's not supposed to touch, or the way she would much rather crawl and walk then be held in my arms. It all feels so sudden though, as if I just blinked my eyes and there she now stands all grown up and I'm left scratching my head thinking how the heck did that happen. How did my baby grow up so quickly?

Its finally hitting me now how much more I still have to learn about Chloe, about myself, about what kind of Mother I want to be. I can only imagine how different raising a toddler is compared to raising an infant. I'm excited for this new adventure in Motherhood but also completely terrified. I cant wait to discover more of who Chloe is, to see her personality develop and mature. My heart melts when I think of all the new firsts she will have, like the first time she tells Mike and I she loves us, but then there is that part of me that is terrified of the obstacles we will face, terrified of failing as a Mother.

 Parenthood is a funny thing, once you feel you have everything mastered and perfected your baby grows and changes and has a whole new set of needs that must be met. I just want to be the best Mother I can be for Chloe, I want her to her always know how much I love her and nothing she could ever do will ever change that.

I know I have so much to learn about raising a toddler but I'm up for the challenge and I honestly cant wait to discover more about my sweet Chloe.

Sh*t Crunchy Parents Say

I'm working on a post right now but in the meantime have you guys seen these videos going around YouTube? Some of them are so funny, Here are my two favorites!

On Sleep

Right now Chloe is taking a nap in our bed all by herself, and I have to admit that its so nice to have some time alone! Don't get me wrong I love looking down at my sweet baby sleeping peacefully on my lap, seeing her in dreamland melts my heart every time, but to finally have time to myself is amazing, to get things done, to move around freely!

Getting Chloe to take a nap all by herself isn't an easy task though and so times like these don't happen very often. Last week Chloe took at least one nap by herself almost everyday and a few times Mike and I were even able to get her down for the night and spend time together just the two of us. On most nights we usually all go to bed together, before the only way to get Chloe to sleep was by nursing or rocking her, now I'm able to nurse Chloe till she's sleepy and then lay her in bed with us. We play quietly for a little while and then our sweet little baby falls soundly asleep while holding both of our hands ( Chloe loves holding our hands while she falls fast asleep which is seriously the sweetest thing ever ).

I would say the older Chloe gets the easier it is to get her to fall asleep by herself but then we have weeks like this one were it feels near impossible to put Chloe down for a nap (expect for today). I am learning to be patient though and to follow Chloe's cues. I know she feels safe and secure sleeping on my lap and so we are basically taking this process very slowly to ease her into learning to sleep alone.  Chloe is such a happy baby and I know that doing it this way is worth the sacrifice. I know once day Chloe will be a kid, she wont need me as much and so I want cherish these times right now were my baby needs so much of me.

Love This Pin

While I was on Pinterest this morning I came across this amazing pin about attachment parenting. I seriously love this pin and had to share it!

On My Heart: Co-Sleeping

-- Read article here: Co-sleeping Ad. --

I'm sure most of you have seen this co-sleeping ad which has been all over the internet recently. Basically the ad is stating that co-sleeping or bed sharing is just as dangerous to your baby as if they were to sleep next to a knife. I feel like the people who created this ad are very misinformed on bed sharing and that when done safely can be such a wonderful thing. We share our bed with Chloe and have been doing so since she was about a month old. We as a family love it, Chloe feels safe, we feel safe having her so close to us, and I am able to attend to her needs quickly. Not everyone is going to want to bed share, and that's totally fine but if you are going to bed share it's very important to do it safely.

Here is what I see wrong with the picture above:

:: The baby in the ad above is sleeping on its side rather then its back.

:: The bed looks to be very soft and the sheets and comforter look to be very fluffy and heavy.

:: The baby's head is resting on a pillow.

Here is how we safely bed share:

:: Chloe always sleep on her back

:: Our bed is firm 

:: We use thin bed sheets that are pulled tight across the bed

:: Chloe never uses a pillow

:: We each use our own blanket

:: I never fall asleep with Chloe on me or cuddled up next to me. We each have are own space to sleep in

Bed sharing is not for everyone but if it is something that you are interested in please do your research and practice safe bed sharing. Nothing is more important then the safety and well being of your baby!

3 Months Old

How did 3 months go by so incredibly fast? When I was pregnant 3 months felt like a lifetime, but now that my sweet daughter is here in my arms time is just flying by. I can honestly say that these past months have been filled with the greatest moments of my life.

Today has brought on an array of emotions. Since there is now a cool breeze in the air and fall is quickly approaching I felt it was time to start putting away all of Chloe's spring and summer clothes. As I held each item of clothing in my hands a wave of sadness washed over me, and I realized that I will never see my daughter in these clothes again. I know it might sound silly to some to get all emotional over clothes but to me her clothes represent these special months were I have had the privilege of watching my sweet Chloe blossom into her own little being.

And with all in the same moment I am filled with so much joy and excitement as I watch my daughter grow, and learn, and transform right before my eyes. I'm in awe at the beauty that is her and have no words to describe the pure joy that comes from watching her grow each and every day.

Chloe's stats:

 I don't know how much my daughter weighs right now or her height, I wont know till her 4 month checkup. Chloe is wearing size 3 diapers, and wearing 3-6 months clothes.

 Life with Chloe: This month so many changes have taken place with Chloe. I have noticed that she will now follow me with her eyes as I move around the room. Chloe is showing more of an interest in her toys and will pick them up if they are within her reach. She can take her pacifier out of her mouth and will try to get it back in but she is not quite there yet. When we make eye contact with her she will smile a great big smile and start cooing away! Chloe still loves her little hands and has always shown so much curiosity towards her feet, a few days ago she actually started holding onto her feet while lying on her back, Chloe looks pretty proud about that one! My sweet daughter has now rolled over from her stomach to back several times and just started rolling from her back to stomach! Chloe also seems to like tummy time a little more these days! During our trip to Chicago my Mom made Chloe laugh for the first time, my heart completely melted when I heard her sweet little laugh! I have also noticed that Chloe has a new fascination with the tv, and now enjoys sucking her thumb. Chloe has also been drooling a lot more lately and likes to blow little spit bubbles!

The only thing that been a bit of a struggle for us is nap time. Chloe loves to sleep in my arms which I also love, but I'm not going to lie, I need a break sometimes! We are working on it, some days she will take a good nap in our bed and other days the moment I put her down she will wake up. I know I need to work harder at this and be consistent and not give up but I want to make sure that I am doing this as loving and gentle as possible.

Overall I would say that Mike and I both feel so much more confident in our new roles as parents and as each day passes we are learning more about Chloe, each other, and ourselves. I would consider our parenting philosophy to be based off of attachment parenting. It is an important goal of ours to continue parenting this way throughout our daughters life!

I am still babywearing and absolutely love it! I hope to do it for as long as Chloe enjoys it! I just bought a Babyhawk Mei Tai and it is gorgeous!! I'm in love with it and now that Chloe is bigger I think she likes it better then the Moby wrap! I cant wait to learn how to wear her on my back!

Though it brings me a little bit of sadness to watch my daughter grow older each day, becoming less and less of a baby, its also so incredibly exciting at the same time! I know next month will bring us even more excitement as we watch our sweet baby grow.

More Than Anything

I am often filled with anxiety as a new Mother. Terrified I am doing everything wrong. Does Chloe feel loved?, Does she feel safe? Does she feel that she can trust that both her parents will meet her needs? Is she eating enough, sleeping enough, to hot or to cold? To many dirty diapers, not enough? Why is she spitting up so much today? Was it something I did, something I ate? Everyday these questions swirl around my head, making me feel completely exhausted and dizzy with worry. I will admit that there are times when I am scared  I am doing this whole Mothering thing wrong. I honestly hate that feeling.

I just want more than anything for Chloe to feel so loved and adored by her Father and I. I want her to feel safe and secure, that she can trust that her parents will meet her needs, that she never has to feel scared and alone. More than anything I want Chloe to know that her Mom and Dad will always be there for her, guiding her through her own journey in life. I want her to know how absolutely beautiful she is, and that God made her perfectly with his own hands. I want Chloe to feel proud of who she is, to feel confident. I want her to feel encouraged by her parents, supported, and that  her voice is heard.  More than anything I want Chloe to grow up in a home with parents that love each other and respect one an other.

I know that I am not going to be the perfect Mother, I know that I will make plenty of mistakes in raising my daughter, but more than anything I just want Chloe to know that her parents love her so  very much and that she makes us so incredibly happy. I pray that she never has to question that.

21 Weeks

I am 21 weeks today! Time is just flying by, I feel like June will be here before I know it which is why I have been spending a lot of time focusing on all the things I need to do and take care of before Chloe gets here. Mike and I signed up for our childbirth class, it starts March 30th and goes until May 11th. We both are really looking forward to all that we will learn in that class.

I have started a baby registry at Target, and Pottery barn kids, and tomorrow Mike and I are going to go to Babies r us to register there. Mike and I started our research on vaccines. I bought the book The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert Sears, my midwife told me that it's very informative and detailed and also completely unbiased so Mike and I can make the best informed decisions for our child. I also bought a book called Attached at the Heart by Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker which is all about attachment parenting.

In other news I am feeling Chloe move and kick everyday now! I love being able to feel her move all the time, but it's definitely a very interesting feeling, and her kicks and movements have gotten a lot stronger since the first time I felt them. I read that in a couple weeks Mike should be able to start feeling her movements, I know he cant wait for that! Chloe knows her daddy's voice, she always starts moving and kicking a lot when Mike gets really close to my belly and starts talking to her, it's so cute!