Three Years

It was exactly three years ago today
in a small church surrounded by our friends and family
there we stood, across from one another
 his hands tightly wrapped around mine
our eyes welled up with salty tears
as we proclaimed to each other
" I do "

What a beautiful three years its been. I love you so much hunny, more now then ever before. Thank you for being my husband, for your unconditional love and support. Thank you for taking care of Chloe and I each and everyday. You mean the absolute world to us both. I look forward to spending all my days with you, forever and always.

Love, your wife

Thankful

Since I can remember I have always loved celebrating Thanksgiving. There is something so warm and comforting about surrounding yourself with the ones you love, laughing and reminiscing about all that you have to be grateful for. These past few years have been incredibly difficult for Mike and I and life has been far from easy but I am so grateful for where we are today. 

On this thanksgiving I am so very thankful for:

:: My sweet little family, Mike and Chloe are my soul and heart. There are not enough words in the world to describe how much I love them both and how grateful I am to have them in my life.

:: To finally be back in Chicago, for now I know that this is were I belong.

:: To be celebrating Chloe's second Thanksgiving at my Grandma's house with the rest of my family this year.

:: Friends and family both near and far. I am so grateful for all the wonderful friends and family that make up our life and even though some of them are far away I will always hold them close to my heart.

:: Mike's love and dedication to his family, everyday he works so hard to support Chloe and I and everyday he loves me for who I am and is such a loving, strong, wonderful Father to Chloe.

:: Simple pleasures, like enjoying a hot cup of coffee alone in the early morning light, kisses from my sweet Chloe, watching her blossom and grow, sleep, and cuddles, and laughter on a Saturday morning.

:: Blogging and this wonderful community of woman and Mom bloggers that I feel so honored to be a part of.

:: Creativity, inspiration and the freedom to do both.

:: God's unwavering, unconditional love for me.

:: Beauty, and art, and photography, and music, and words.

On My Heart

This is one of my favorite pictures of my sweet Chloe, in it she's not even a month old yet. It feels like forever ago since she was that small and new. I never realized how quickly time goes by once you have a child, but it does. It goes by quicker then I ever imagined it would, quicker then I could ever even explain to someone. 

As we approach Chloe's 1st birthday I cant help but think about this exact time last year, how both Mike and I were filled to the brim with excitement and nervousness as we waited patiently for the day Chloe would make her grand entrance into this beautiful world. I think about how completely unaware we both were of the journey that laid out before us, how becoming a parent would change us, change our relationship, change our life in the most beautiful way. 

In no way am I saying that this has been an easy year for both Mike and I, that becoming parents has come completely natural to us. The truth is this year has been the hardest year of my life, and the hardest year on my marriage. But at the same time this year has been the most beautiful, life changing, wonderful year of my life and I cant stop thanking God for bringing this beautiful, special little girl into our lives! 

I love where we are at right now,  nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy.

Good Music: Our Wedding Playlist

It's hard to believe that two years have already passed since that beautiful day Mike and I said " I Do" surrounded by the ones we love. Today is all about remembering and celebrating that incredibly special day for us! Here are a few songs we played during our wedding, every time I hear one of these it takes me back to that day!

I walked down the isle to Been To Long by Brian Wilson!

Engagement Photos 9.5.09

We had our engagement pictures done in September of 2009 at a beautiful garden in Tacoma. Mikes youngest sister Brittany did them for us and she did such a beautiful job. We even used one of the pictures for our save the dates!

Our Love Story: The Proposal

Mike proposed to me on May 20th 2009 on our 4 year anniversary. We spent the day at Mt. Rainier, holding hands, laughing, exploring, stealing kisses and admiring the beauty and magic around us. We found a beautiful cliff overlooking what seemed to be a million evergreen trees and parked the car to take pictures. While I was out taking pictures I noticed Mike was still in the car, I asked him what he was doing and he nervously answered that he was looking for something. In that moment I just knew what Mike was looking for, I knew what he was going to ask me and I couldn't believe the moment I always daydreamed about was finally happening!

After a few minutes Mike got out of the car and sat next to me on the cliff overlooking the most beautiful view we had ever seen. I felt so nervous and excited all at the same time and couldn't stop smiling and giggling. Mike looked me in the eyes while holding my hands and told me that I meant so much to him and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me , then he said those 4 magic words "will you marry me"? I jumped into his arms, kissed him on the lips and without any hesitation said YES!

I couldn't believe it, the moment I have always daydreamed about had finally happened and now Mike was my fiance and I was his! I couldn't wait to call everyone I knew but my cell phone had no service where we were and so I had to wait until we were on our way home. The first person I called was my Mom, she told me they already knew Mike was going to propose that day since Mike called my Father a few days prior to ask for his blessing, she said she was having the hardest time keeping it a secret from me!! We told everyone we knew and spent the next few months planning for our February 27th wedding!

Our Love Story: How We Met

In 2005, a few months after we started dating

In exactly a week from today Mike and I will be celebrating our two year wedding anniversary! These two years have been life changing, truly. A part of me wishes I could say how easy marriage has been for us but that would be a lie. Marriage is difficult and takes a lot of work, I'm learning that everyday, but marriage is also beautiful and sacred and more then I ever imagined it to be and two years later I'm still madly in love with my best friend.

So in honor of our 2 year anniversary I thought it would be fun to share the story of how we met! Thank you for taking the time to read it and I hope that in someway it brings a smile to your face.

Our first date looked like this, I in all white smelling of sweet patchouli sat indian style on his living room floor listening to music and drawing pictures with his sister Brittany. Butterflies danced in my stomach as I sat anxiously waiting for Mike to get home. I heard the front door open, and soon a young man in all black and long hair appeared standing in the doorway of the living room. He was handsome and kind, his smile infectious. He sat down on the floor with us, and after a little while the three of us decided to get in my car and drive to the sand dunes. We climbed a fence, Mike wrapped his hands around my waist and helped me down, I fell more in love. We sat in the sand just the two of us talking while Brittany wandered off to explore. I cant remember much of what was said between us, I only remember the way his voice sounded when he said my name, the way his smile gave me butterflies, and  how incredibly good it felt to be near him. The air was much to cold and soon we headed back to their house to warm up. Mike showed me a few songs he and his friends made while we stat in his room. He soon then had to go to work, and hugged me tightly as he said goodbye. When I asked Mike about that day we finally met he says he knew instantly that I was the one for him!

Summer of 2005, no more long hair!

Mike and I lived in the same town as each other growing up, we went to the same school and even had some of the same teachers but never once talked to each other. Then when I was 15 my family and I moved into a house directly behind Mike's house. My sister Becky quickly became best friends with his younger sister Brittany and soon after that Brittany and I became close friends as well. From time to time Brittany would mention her brother Mike, said I would like him and that we had a lot in common, but nothing ever came of it. A year after I graduated high school Brittany tried to get Mike and I together once again, and this time it worked. After him and I played phone tag for a few days I called him one Sunday afternoon and he finally answered, we agreed to meet the following Saturday at his house, my stomach filled with tiny butterflies as I hung up the phone!

On our second date Mike asked me to be his girlfriend while we sat in the afternoon sun on a pier overlooking the lake. He said I said yes but for some reason I cant remember him even asking me to be his! 

Thinking about the day we met always makes me fall more in love with Mike! I am so happy that God chose him to be the one for me!

Look out for the next part of out love story - how Mike proposed! Oh, and sorry for the grainy photos, I had to take pictures of these pictures.

On Family Traditions and Life Lately

I grew up in a home that wasn't to big on family traditions which is why I think it's so important to me that my own little family has special traditions that we do during the holidays and all year round. I want to make Chloe's childhood special and for each day to be filled with love. I want Chloe to be able to have wonderful memories to share with her own children one day, and to be able to pass down these traditions that we started together as a family!

Last Sunday we got our very first Christmas tree. We spent the evening decorating it, listening to Christmas music, eating warm cookies and drinking delicious hot chocolate but this is real life not a movie so there was also a crabby baby, blurry pictures, and overly tired parents who were so sick of listening to Christmas music. At the end of the day we plopped ourselves on the couch and admired our beautiful Christmas tree that we worked so hard on. Even though things didn't go as I envisioned it I still loved every minute of it because its real and my family and we were together making memories that will forever be embedded in our hearts. 

Isn't that what family traditions are all about? Spending time with the ones you love, writing the story of our lives no matter how imperfect or messy it might be! I'm learning that you cant force this.... making memories.... family traditions. I apologize if  this post is scattered all over the place, it feels like its been so long since I have actually written anything real.

::sigh::

It feels so wonderful to be writing, to share whats on my heart, to have some time to myself! I plan on writing a post very soon about life lately, my last one was about the struggles that my husband and I are facing right now in our marriage and I haven't really shared whats been going on since that post. I don't really want to come across like I'm ignoring this topic in any way or that everything is perfect and wonderful again.

Thank you to everyone who has prayed for us, it means so much to me!

On My Heart: My Marriage

I've written this post about a million times in my head, but every time I sit down to write it the words just wont come out. It's terrifying to be honest and vulnerable, to let people in, to show the world that my life is far from perfect. This blog has been an incredible blessing to me, and I'm so very proud of it, but its much to easy to paint this picture that my life is a fairytale.

I feel that God is calling me to be honest, to share my burdens with the world, no matter how terrifying it may seem.

My husband and I are going through something right now, something deep and scary and all consuming. We have faced many obstacles in our relationship and have made it through each one together, always stronger for it, but this, this thing that we're going through right now seems utterly impossible to get through.

It's so difficult to hear Gods voice in all this mess that we've created.

I'm terrified that we're going to look back on this time period a year from now and think to ourselves that what we we're going through then (now) is nothing compared to what we're going through right now (future).

I feel like God is allowing this crises to happen to wake us up, to bring us back to him and I want so desperately for Mike and I to get back to Him together, but by waiting for Mike I'm falling even further away from God. I need to make my way back to God by myself, and to pray for Mike along the way, to pray that he will join me someday soon. I need to think about myself and my daughter. No matter what happens to Mike and I, I want Chloe to have the best life possible and for her to know how loved she is.

I don't know what this will exactly look like but I know what I need to do.

One Year Anniversary

On Sunday the 27th Mike and I celebrated our one year anniversary! We had a relaxing day at home and in the evening we got dressed up and had dinner at the space needle. We had such a great time! The restaurant is really beautiful and romantic and the view of Seattle is amazing, I really was not expecting the restaurant to be so beautiful, and for the food to be so good! It was so nice to be able to get all dressed up and go on a romantic date with my husband, especially to celebrate our one year anniversary!

Its so crazy to think that exactly a year from yesterday Mike and I got married and had a beautiful wedding where all our family and friends were there to celebrate such a special day with us. This year has gone by so quickly but it has been filled with so many changes. I am excited for this next year of marriage, I really feel like God has a lot in store for us.