On Breastfeeding and Weaning

Chloe, 20 months old, nursing to sleep.

When I was pregnant with Chloe it was my goal to breastfeed her until she was at least one year old, and then she was born and everything changed. As I held her tiny, warm body in my arms and nursed her for the first time I fell completely in love with her, my beautiful daughter. As each month passed and my daughter grew older, breastfeeding her become such a natural part of our lives. It was during those first few months as a new Mother when I came to the decision that I was going to nurse Chloe for as long as she liked, whether that be before she turned one or after, it was simply going to be up to her.

Now here we are, Chloe is 20 months old and still breastfeeding every single day. In my experience breastfeeding a toddler is much different then breastfeeding an infant, its harder, at least to me it is. Chloe is heavier, taller, stronger, and constantly moving, and naturally with age she has become more stubborn and strong willed, and is able to voice her opinion much easier then before. When Chloe was an infant I could easily roll over and nurse her in the middle of the night without even really waking up, but now those nightly feedings have become uncomfortable, painful, and disruptive to my sleep. Besides waking up multiple times a night to nurse Chloe, I feel like I am constantly nursing her throughout the day as well. These past few months I have often found myself feeling completely overwhelmed by Chloe's constant need to nurse. I miss having my body to myself.

I feel torn, Chloe loves nursing, and since the day she was born it's been a huge part of her life. On the other hand, I know if we continue on this path with no resolution or change Chloe and I's relationship is going to suffer. I never knew how difficult the decision to wean my daughter would be for me, but it is an incredibly hard and emotional one. I'm ready though, and I know that with time and love and patience Chloe will be ready to move on as well.

I've done a little bit of research on gentle weaning and know that this process can take many months, for which that I am grateful for. Our plan at this moment is to start cutting out all of the unnecessary feedings and eventually, I would love to be nursing Chloe only three times a day and none throughout the night. There is so much I am unsure of though, like how to night wean Chloe, what to do in those situations when she's crying and screaming for milk and nothing else will calm her down, and how to get her to enjoy eating solid food more. It's all a little overwhelming to be honest but I know that with love, time, and patience everything will work itself out in the end.

If you have gone through the process of weaning your child, or are currently going through the process, your stories, tips, and advice would be so gratefully appreciated!

2/52

" A portrait of my child, once a week, every week in 2013. "

Chloe, my almost 19 month old toddler taking a break from playing to lay in my arms and nurse. I truly cherish these sweet moments with her, as I know one day they will come to an end.

* Linking up with the lovely Jodi for The 52 Project.

Breastfeeding At 15 Months

Those quite moments curled up in bed with my daughter who's sweetly nursing away have become my most favorite moments of the day. When the world is still and calm, and its just me and my baby laying side by side. I feel so completely grateful for this wonderful experience, 15 1/2 months and we are still going strong. I know one day this will end, and so I'm trying to take as many pictures as I can to remember this beautiful time in my life.

These Are The Days

This poem is so very sweet and has reminded me just how special and beautiful breastfeeding my daughter is to me. 

Mother's Love

These are the days of laughter and love
smiling faced cherubim sent from above
snuggled at my breast full of warmth and rest
brings meaning and purpose fulling destiny
creating, nurturing the solar plexus
of radiant energy transformed
in your smile.

- Charisse Goodyear

In Honor of World Breastfeeding Week

In honor of world breastfeeding week which starts today, August 1st and goes until August 7th, I will be sharing here on the blog my journey through breastfeeding and how much it has meant to me. Be sure to check back throughout the week for more breastfeeding post's!

Dear Chloe: To Be Remembered

Dear Chloe,

The sun poured in through the blinds dancing gracefully on the walls

It was the afternoon, the room was warm and quite

You nursed yourself peacefully to sleep

I held you close to me, breathed you in

My eyes grew heavy and tired

together we slept

just the two of us

side by side

Love always and forever

Mama

Breastfeeding At 10 Months Old

As Chloe is getting closer and closer to the 1 year mark I have been reflecting a lot lately on our breastfeeding journey and how far we have come since those first few difficult days. I am so forever grateful for this experience, breastfeeding my daughter has been so beautiful and special to me and I cant say enough how blessed I feel for being able to experience it. I am so proud of Chloe and myself and so grateful  for all the incredible support my husband has shown me throughout this journey. Our plan is to let Chloe decided when she is done nursing, I can only hope and pray we still have a ways to go on this journey of ours.

At 10 months old nursing is very different then it was when Chloe was a newborn. Some of the things she does now honestly cracks me up. For instance, she will dive her face into my chest or lift up my shirt to let me know she wants milk, she gets really, really excited when she sees me getting ready to nurse her and starts panting, Chloe constantly is moving these days even while nursing, and she loves to nurse while sitting up. Other things that are much different now is that our nursing sessions are much shorter then they used to be and only lasting around 5 minutes and since Chloe has teeth now she has bitten me a few times and yes it really, really hurts.

There are a few things that are still very similar to those newborn days, Chloe still nurses often throughout the day, if she is tired she will fall asleep while nursing and also breastfeeding is still very comforting to her so if she's in pain from teething, got hurt while playing, or just needs some extra love and attention the one thing that always calms her down and makes her happy is breastmilk.

I love the special bond Chloe and I share through breastfeeding and am excited to see what else lies ahead for us on this amazing journey!

If  you are breastfeeding or were breastfeeding I would love to hear how your experience changed the older your child got, leave me a comment below!

On Breastfeeding

Last week I was reading this post from Courtney's blog (she always loved) larking that got me thinking about how so many of my own views on parenting have changed now that I have a child. Her post really inspired me to share my own before and afters on breastfeeding, sleeping, baby food, babywearing and birth. This post is kinda long so if you make it all the way through then you deserve an award! Look out for my next post in this series - On sleeping - which should be up in a few days!

Image Source

Prebaby: I always knew that one day when I had a baby of my own I was going to breastfeed. It was something I always supported but never really gave much thought because I had no real reason to. I didn't know anything about feeding on demand or letting your baby self wean so the plan was always to breastfeed until the age of 1 and to have my baby on a schedule. I'm going to be honest with you guys, I was pretty ignorant prebaby, I thought breastfeeding in public was inappropriate and that nursing your child past the age of 1 was weird! I'm so embarrassed to even admit that but I knew nothing about breastfeeding, and grew up in a family that mostly formula fed.

Pregnancy:  During my pregnancy I did a lot of research on breastfeeding and parenting. I learned about feeding on demand, sore nipples, child self weaning, under supply, over supply, thrush, mastitis, leaky boobs, clogged milk ducts and the list goes on and on. I also learned that it is recommend to nurse your baby at least to the age of 2 which quickly turned my 1 year plan into a 2 year plan. My whole view on breastfeeding changed and I realized it wasn't all rainbows and smiles. During my pregnancy if you asked me the number one thing I was most terrified of doing once my baby arrived I would have said breastfeeding. It was something that was so, so important to me and so I was terrified that I wasn't going to be able to do it, that it would be too painful, that Chloe would have a difficult time latching on, and that ultimately I wouldn't make enough milk for her. But even with all my fear revolving around breastfeeding I knew I was at least going to give it a try. 

My new plan: Nurse exclusively until 6 months and then continue nursing until the age of 2, and to also feed on demand.

At 7 1/2 months in: Breastfeeding wasn't as terrifying as I thought it would be and at 7 1/2 months Chloe and I are still going strong with no end in sight! It's amazing to me how much my views on breastfeeding have changed now that I have a baby of my own. Chloe is nursed on demand, we will let her decided when she is done breastfeeding, and I now fully support breastfeeding in public, in fact its something that I do all the time. I think the biggest change for me though was that at one point I just looked at breastfeeding as something that was best for the baby nutritionally, I never knew that it was going to be something that I loved and cherished so much. Those quite moments Chloe and I share together when it's just the two of us and the world fades away are some of the sweetest, most delicious moments I have ever experienced.

Our Nap Time Solution

Lately it feels like all I write about is nursing and sleeping so I apologize in advance for another one of those posts, but we have made a lot of progress in the nap time department so I'm excited to share how that's been going!

A few weeks ago I started really focusing on the difficult task of getting Chloe to sleep on her own in the bed. Chloe has always been an amazing napper but only if she is sleeping on my lap, and as much as I love holding my sleeping baby and watching her peacefully dreaming it was starting to really drain on me. I felt like I had no time at all to myself, which is something I desperately needed.

It was important to me to take this process slow with Chloe, to ease her into taking naps alone, to go about this change in a gentle manner. Letting her cry it out just wasn't something we felt comfortable doing with her and so that was never an option for us. One afternoon during Chloe's nap time I decided to bring her into the bedroom to snuggle and hopefully get her to fall asleep. I noticed she wanted to nurse so I decided to try nursing her while the both of us were laying down on our sides. I have tried side-laying nursing quite a few times in the past and could never get the hang of it so I just gave up trying to do it. For some reason though that afternoon Chloe and I finally got it and after a few minutes of nursing my sweet Chloe was fast asleep. As soon as she unlatched I quietly got up from the bed and snuck out of the bedroom. Chloe slept for a couple hours that afternoon and woke up full of smiles and snuggles for me!

Since that afternoon a few weeks ago Chloe now takes two naps everyday in the bed all by herself. As soon as I notice her getting sleepy we head to the bedroom to cuddle and nurse, and every time Chloe falls asleep without any fuss. There are no tears shed, Chloe doesn't feel scared and alone, no  feelings of guilt on my part, and both her and I are getting exactly what we need, a nap for Chloe and time alone for Mama!

This is the first big obstical we have overcome with Chloe, and to be perfectly honest I'm really proud of myself. I'm proud that I followed Chloe's cues, that I made this process as gentle as possible, and that I didn't give up even though there were more times then I can even count that I wanted to.

It's incredibly reassuring to see the reward in the end - a happy baby!

Breastfeeding on Sesame Street: Part 2

Lani from Booby Time wrote a post on her blog about bringing breastfeeding back on Sesame Street that I think everyone should go check out, here's the link to it! Chloe and I loved watching the old clips from Sesame Street together that Lani included in her post. It was amazing to see woman on tv breastfeeding  their babies and hearing them talk about it so openly was really inspiring to me. This is what we need to see more of!

There is a petition going around for who ever would like to sign it to put breastfeeding back on Sesame Street, here is the link to that. I really encourage everyone to take a minute to sign it, we need to show support for our breastfeeding Mothers and make breastfeeding a normal part of everyday life again!

Breastfeeding on Sesame Street: Part 1

Disclaimer:

Just me ranting about the way breastfeeding is viewed in today's world. In no way am I stating that I'm against formula feeding, every Mom needs to do what they think is best and I completely support that 100%!

While on Yahoo this morning checking my email I  saw this article on the opening page. Reading this article has stirred inside me a whirlwind of emotions. It's not the article itself that upsets me, in fact in my opinion it sounds like Lylah M, the woman who wrote the article is a supporter of breastfeeding, but it's the fact that breastfeeding is such a controversial topic in today's society, that's what blows my mind!

As a breastfeeding Mother and a woman I am outraged that there are people out there that look at breastfeeding as disgusting, sexual, and only something that should be done in private. Are you kidding me? All breastfeeding simply is, is feeding your baby, that's it! I just don't understand how anyone could look at that as inappropriate and even go as far as harass and condemn a nursing Mother in public. 

What blows my mind even more is that this county is obsessed with sex and nudity, everyday we are bombarded with sexual images, on the computer and the tv, in magazines, ads, movies, school, and etc, ect. It's just ridiculous to me that, that's perfectly fine and ok but a woman breastfeeding her child, doing the most loving, innocent, natural thing she could be doing with her breasts is looked at as disgusting and inappropriate! I'm truly saddened by the values of this country.

As for what I think about breastfeeding on Sesame Street, I say yes bring it back! We don't need to make a big show about it but it should be shown and normalized just like bottle feeding is!!

end of rant!

10 New Mom Lessons

As a new Mom I am learning a lot about life, love, myself, and of course about Motherhood. Here is a random list of what I have learned so far, I know as time goes on I will be able to add so much more to this list.

:: I cant live without stain remover, between explosive diapers and spit up, Chloe's clothes really take a beating. The kind we use is baby oxi clean spray. It works amazing , and all of my daughters clothes still look brand new.

:: That I love wearing my daughter in the moby wrap , I love having her so close to me and being able to have my hands free. The other day I was able to vacuum, sweep, mop, and clean up the kitchen while Chloe slept peacefully against my chest.

:: Having some "me time" every morning while Chloe is still sleeping is way more important to me then a few extra hours of sleep.

::I can now do so many more things one handed!

::That snuggle time and sweet baby smiles can completely erase those really difficult days were everything seems to be going wrong!

:: I love my boppy pillow, it has made breastfeeding so much more comfortable , plus its come in handy in so many more ways.

:: I am even so much more grateful of Mike, I love knowing that we are doing this together! and I appreciate all that he does for Chloe and I, he is surely irreplaceable to us!

:: That I absolutely love breastfeeding! When I was pregnant with Chloe I knew how important it was for me to breastfeed my daughter but I never knew I would love it so much!

:: That getting boogers out of a baby's nose is very, very difficult. Chloe hates it.  It makes me so sad to see her so upset.

:: Most importantly what I have learned as a new Mom is that I absolutely LOVE being a Mother and I wouldn't trade this for anything in the whole world. I feel that this is what I was made for.

Sleepy Morning

Chloe and I have had such a  peaceful, sleepy morning. My baby's favorite way to fall asleep is while nursing on my lap with her favorite boppy pillow. I love how completely peaceful and content she looks while in dreamland and a belly full of milk. I love spending everyday with my beautiful daughter, I want to cherish all these special moments we share together, just Mommy and Chloe!

The First 2 Weeks

Today my daughter is 17 days old! It is amazing how much she has already grown and changed since the day she was born. I am so in love with her and just love watching her grow everyday! I am having so much fun being a Mother and just want to cherish every single moment I have with my baby. I know time is going to go fast and before I know it she wont be a baby anymore.

The first week: was definitely a little rough at times especially when Mike had to go back to work. My hormones were crazy and I literally cried at everything. I felt very overwhelmed and worried about being a Mother, never before in my life did I ever have someone depend on me so much, and I was so scared I was going to screw everything up. I was also running on no sleep and in a lot of pain from having a c-section. Learning how to breastfeed was a challenge at first, I was afraid Chloe was not getting enough to eat, but once my milk came in nursing became a lot easier. I could never have made it through that first week if it wasn't for Mike. He is such an incredible Father and husband and takes such great care of Chloe and I!

The second week: is going amazing! My hormones have finally settled down, I feel like myself again and, I'm feeling much better physically. I am also much more comfortable with Chloe and am learning more about her everyday. Nursing is going so well, Chloe loves to eat and already weighs 9.9 lbs! Her doctor said  she is perfect and whatever I am doing to keep it up. That was such a huge relief to hear! Chloe has more periods in the day were she is awake now. Its so much fun to play with her and to see her look around with curiosity. I love kissing her and holding her in my arms! Chloe also makes the cutest little noises!! I feel so blessed that God chose me to be Chloe's Mom!!

One thing though that I didn't really expect was how much laundry I would have to do haha. For such a little girl she sure makes a lot of mess! Both Mike and I have been pooped on, peed on, and puked on, on a regular basis haha, We don't mind though, its all worth it!

4 days old

5 days old, Fathers Day

15 days old

Today at 17 days old after a bath!