On My Heart: Connecticut

Image Via

It's been three days since the shooting in Connecticut. As a human being, and as a Mother my heart breaks for those sweet, innocent children, and the teachers that were taken away from their loved ones on that incredibly sad autumn day. I cant even begin to fathom the pain that, that community is going through right now, and I pray I never have to.

As I hold my little girl tight in my arms I feel humbled and blessed beyond belief that she is here, warm, and safe, and healthy. To think of something like that ever happening to her brings tears to my eyes. My heart aches for those parents who's children we're taken away from them on that day. No one should ever have to go through something so devastating and tragic.

Our love, and prayers, and thoughts go out to all those affected in the community of Newtown. May you take comfort and refuge in God's great arms.

On My Heart

This is one of my favorite pictures of my sweet Chloe, in it she's not even a month old yet. It feels like forever ago since she was that small and new. I never realized how quickly time goes by once you have a child, but it does. It goes by quicker then I ever imagined it would, quicker then I could ever even explain to someone. 

As we approach Chloe's 1st birthday I cant help but think about this exact time last year, how both Mike and I were filled to the brim with excitement and nervousness as we waited patiently for the day Chloe would make her grand entrance into this beautiful world. I think about how completely unaware we both were of the journey that laid out before us, how becoming a parent would change us, change our relationship, change our life in the most beautiful way. 

In no way am I saying that this has been an easy year for both Mike and I, that becoming parents has come completely natural to us. The truth is this year has been the hardest year of my life, and the hardest year on my marriage. But at the same time this year has been the most beautiful, life changing, wonderful year of my life and I cant stop thanking God for bringing this beautiful, special little girl into our lives! 

I love where we are at right now,  nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy.

On My Heart: Co-Sleeping

-- Read article here: Co-sleeping Ad. --

I'm sure most of you have seen this co-sleeping ad which has been all over the internet recently. Basically the ad is stating that co-sleeping or bed sharing is just as dangerous to your baby as if they were to sleep next to a knife. I feel like the people who created this ad are very misinformed on bed sharing and that when done safely can be such a wonderful thing. We share our bed with Chloe and have been doing so since she was about a month old. We as a family love it, Chloe feels safe, we feel safe having her so close to us, and I am able to attend to her needs quickly. Not everyone is going to want to bed share, and that's totally fine but if you are going to bed share it's very important to do it safely.

Here is what I see wrong with the picture above:

:: The baby in the ad above is sleeping on its side rather then its back.

:: The bed looks to be very soft and the sheets and comforter look to be very fluffy and heavy.

:: The baby's head is resting on a pillow.

Here is how we safely bed share:

:: Chloe always sleep on her back

:: Our bed is firm 

:: We use thin bed sheets that are pulled tight across the bed

:: Chloe never uses a pillow

:: We each use our own blanket

:: I never fall asleep with Chloe on me or cuddled up next to me. We each have are own space to sleep in

Bed sharing is not for everyone but if it is something that you are interested in please do your research and practice safe bed sharing. Nothing is more important then the safety and well being of your baby!

On My Heart: Blogging

I don't want to write about baby food, or babywearing, or products that I love and cant live without or really anything along those lines, I don't want to write about all the research that I've done. That's not me or something that I want my blog to turn into. I honestly don't even know what came over me to think that, that's something that I had to do.

Last night after dinner Mike and I were talking, and I shared with him that lately I have been feeling really frustrated with this blog. I want to write so badly but the words just wont come out and I have no motivation to even try. I said "take yesterday for example, I was trying to right a post about homemade baby food and baby led weaning literally all day long but I couldn't do it. I got maybe a paragraph down before I finally threw my hands up in defeat".  Mike 's answer was profound and yet so incredibly simple...

"well maybe you just don't want to write about baby food"

I said "no I do" 

but then I started to really think about what my husband said and this morning it finally hit me that he's right, I don't really want to write about things like baby food.

I want to write honestly and openly, to share a piece of myself .

To speak freely about:

my imperfect life 

my feelings

challenges of a new Mom and wife

my past

my faith and relationship with Jesus

my intense and deep love for my daughter

my hopes and dreams, and fears

and my passion for love and all things beautiful!

This blog has been such an incredible blessing to me. A home for all my memories, love letters to my daughter, a way to be creative, and a connection to other Mom's. This is why I want to do so much more with this blog because it means so much to me. I know that not every post I write is going to perfect and filled with beautifully written words, and that's ok with me. I simply just want this blog to reflect who I am and the things I love most in life.

*note: I will still be writing informational posts from time to time I just don't want that to be the main focus of my blog. Also I will be finishing the babywearing series that I started, there should be a new post up for that by Friday!

On My Heart: Missing Pieces of Me

Growing up I always considered myself to be a hopeless romantic. I believed love to be powerful, passionate, and all consuming. I believed in love at first sight and that somewhere out in this great big world my soul-mate was searching for me. In my eyes love was always worth fighting for.

Growing up I loved getting lost in the beauty of nature, of art, of music, of books filled with words heavy with passion and truth.

I miss that part of myself.

Somewhere in the mess of life, and stress, and heartache I lost me. Maybe part of it has to do with getting older or maybe it has to do with all the struggles I have encountered over the last 8 years of my life. I know that facing trails can make you a stronger, more wiser person but how do you not let it steal away the passion you once had for life? 

I feel so jaded these days.

I know I need to slow down and open my eyes to all the beauty that's around me and focus my attention on all the little pleasures in life, like the way my daughter stares up at me while sitting in my lap with the most beautiful dark blue eyes I have ever seen, or the way my hand still fits so perfectly in my husbands, even after all these years together, or the way a certain song can leave me hopeful and daydreaming.

Life is filled with so much beauty and love, but as you get older and have the demands of life on your shoulders it becomes a lot harder to see.

My goal for myself is to take the time each day to daydream about love, to forget about all the bills and stress and challenges of life, even if its just for a minute. Those things will always be there but this precious time I have with my daughter, with my husband, with my family and friends wont last forever.

On My Heart: The Birth Story

I am almost 11 weeks postpartum and still have not finished writing the birth story of my daughter. I'm working on it..... slowly. I actually have a lot written down but now I feel like I need to erase it all and start over from scratch. Those of you that know me and know the kind of birth Mike and I had planned for our daughter know that we didn't get what we wanted at all.

My daughter is healthy and in my eyes as perfect as can be, and I cant even express how grateful I am to God for that, but yes I am still sad about my birthing experience. As time goes on my feelings about the experience I had have gotten better, I rarely even think about it nowadays. The first month postpartum was a different story. It was all that I though about, everyday I would replay the whole experience over and over again in my head,  obsessing over every detail. I felt guilty, and sad, and like I had failed, and angry with myself, and angry that no one understood how I was feeling.

But life moved on....... and as each day passes me by I forget about it more and more. I think that's why it has taken me so long to write my daughters story, because it was so hard for me to accept it as it was. Writing about it meant that the words were alive and real, and that I couldn't hide from the truth anymore.

So this is where I stand today, I am in a much better place and am really looking forward to completing my daughters story and sharing it with those that want to read it!

One thing is for sure though I am going to work my butt off to have a vbac next time! For my unborn child, for myself, and for my beautiful sweet daughter Chloe.