I am almost 11 weeks postpartum and still have not finished writing the birth story of my daughter. I'm working on it..... slowly. I actually have a lot written down but now I feel like I need to erase it all and start over from scratch. Those of you that know me and know the kind of birth Mike and I had planned for our daughter know that we didn't get what we wanted at all.
My daughter is healthy and in my eyes as perfect as can be, and I cant even express how grateful I am to God for that, but yes I am still sad about my birthing experience. As time goes on my feelings about the experience I had have gotten better, I rarely even think about it nowadays. The first month postpartum was a different story. It was all that I though about, everyday I would replay the whole experience over and over again in my head, obsessing over every detail. I felt guilty, and sad, and like I had failed, and angry with myself, and angry that no one understood how I was feeling.
But life moved on....... and as each day passes me by I forget about it more and more. I think that's why it has taken me so long to write my daughters story, because it was so hard for me to accept it as it was. Writing about it meant that the words were alive and real, and that I couldn't hide from the truth anymore.
So this is where I stand today, I am in a much better place and am really looking forward to completing my daughters story and sharing it with those that want to read it!
One thing is for sure though I am going to work my butt off to have a vbac next time! For my unborn child, for myself, and for my beautiful sweet daughter Chloe.
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