When I was pregnant with Chloe it was my goal to breastfeed her until she was at least one year old, and then she was born and everything changed. As I held her tiny, warm body in my arms and nursed her for the first time I fell completely in love with her, my beautiful daughter. As each month passed and my daughter grew older, breastfeeding her become such a natural part of our lives. It was during those first few months as a new Mother when I came to the decision that I was going to nurse Chloe for as long as she liked, whether that be before she turned one or after, it was simply going to be up to her.
Now here we are, Chloe is 20 months old and still breastfeeding every single day. In my experience breastfeeding a toddler is much different then breastfeeding an infant, its harder, at least to me it is. Chloe is heavier, taller, stronger, and constantly moving, and naturally with age she has become more stubborn and strong willed, and is able to voice her opinion much easier then before. When Chloe was an infant I could easily roll over and nurse her in the middle of the night without even really waking up, but now those nightly feedings have become uncomfortable, painful, and disruptive to my sleep. Besides waking up multiple times a night to nurse Chloe, I feel like I am constantly nursing her throughout the day as well. These past few months I have often found myself feeling completely overwhelmed by Chloe's constant need to nurse. I miss having my body to myself.
I feel torn, Chloe loves nursing, and since the day she was born it's been a huge part of her life. On the other hand, I know if we continue on this path with no resolution or change Chloe and I's relationship is going to suffer. I never knew how difficult the decision to wean my daughter would be for me, but it is an incredibly hard and emotional one. I'm ready though, and I know that with time and love and patience Chloe will be ready to move on as well.
I've done a little bit of research on gentle weaning and know that this process can take many months, for which that I am grateful for. Our plan at this moment is to start cutting out all of the unnecessary feedings and eventually, I would love to be nursing Chloe only three times a day and none throughout the night. There is so much I am unsure of though, like how to night wean Chloe, what to do in those situations when she's crying and screaming for milk and nothing else will calm her down, and how to get her to enjoy eating solid food more. It's all a little overwhelming to be honest but I know that with love, time, and patience everything will work itself out in the end.
If you have gone through the process of weaning your child, or are currently going through the process, your stories, tips, and advice would be so gratefully appreciated!
oh mama I hear you. This is such a bitter sweet decision. I can TOTALLY relate to wanting your body back. What helped my keep going was definitely the night weaning it kept me a little more sane. And since I was tandem nursing the boys I did have to put Bear on more of a schedule since he was older while I let Wolf feed on demand. You can trust your mama gut and go with what feels better. Check out Dr. Jay Gordon for night weaning, I know a lot of moms that have had success with it. Good luck and hugs.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had some advice for you, but somehow I struck it easy with weaning as Oliver just seemed to stop asking for it one day and so I stopped offering and it just ended. I have a friend who is going through a similar process to you at the moment, and I think the gentle approach does sound like a good one. Cut her back gradually, feed by feed - when Ollie dropped a breast feed, I replaced it with a cup of milk (and usually a story) instead so we still get our cuddles while he drinks. Thinking of you mama, weaning can be quite a process, you've done such a fabulous job going so far though!
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you... Quinne and I stopped when she was 15 months and I was so sad. She was uninterested and my milk was so low. It was one of the hardest things. I loved nursing and part of me felt like she didn't need me anymore. You will get through this in your own time and way. Melissa on Dear Baby wrote a really good post about stopping nighttime nursing, you should check it out. My thoughts and prayers go out to you!!
ReplyDeleteI had such a hard time weaning Casper last year. He was 21 months and not having it at all. I found that distractions were the best thing during the day and at night, consistency was key. It's hard, but you can do it! your body will thank you in the end. Oh and don't underestimate the post-weaning depression. I fought it at first but then accepted it and tried to deal with it in a "ride-it-out" kind of way x
ReplyDeleteI hope that everything goes smoothly for you guys! I was so sad when I stopped breastfeeding Ezrah, but you know whats right for you and your little girl, so go with your gut! Good luck:)
ReplyDeleteI nursed my son til 27 mos, and it did get hard for me. I always knew that weaning would be hard, but I underestimated. It has now been almost 5 mos since we stopped and still he asks to hold them or see them. If he could start back up he would. I would suggest cutting it down like you want, but when you really get to your breaking point (and you will know) just do it. My boobs and heart hurt, I cried a lot, for a little while, but it gets easier and is nice that my body is my own. Well, mostly, since now I am 14 weeks with my second one, soon to do it all over again. Be clear with her and comforting, but you will know when it is time.
ReplyDeleteI feel for you, it's such a tough decision to make to wean your child. Everly is 20 months old, too, and still breastfed. Although she's not breastfed on demand - as of last week I now only breastfeed her first thing in the morning and before bed at night. She still asks 'Milk?' at nap-time but I explain to her that she only has milk in the morning and night and she's happy with my explanation. I plan on letting her go on with the morning and night feeds until she turns two in June, then I'll decide how I'm feeling then. I fed Everly on demand until around 14 months when my depression and chronic fatigue took its toll on my body, so I decided to cut down breastfeeds to three times a day - on waking in the morning, at nap-time and bed-time. It was difficult sometimes - she would cry, but I would hold her and explain the times of day we have milk and that if she's hungry/thirsty I can get her something to eat/drink, or we could cuddle. Normally she just wanted to spend some one-on-one time with me, and then she was satisfied. As for night weaning, I chose to stop night-feeds shortly after she turned one because I was physically exhausted (and crying all day from the exhaustion) - I used the Dr Jay Gordon gentle night weaning method here: http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html. It worked amazingly for us, with little to no tears (of course, she was frustrated and expressed herself, but it wasn't traumatic at all for either of us). I find being honest and truthful worked for me - these little ones understand more than we give them credit for sometimes. When it comes time to completely wean, a few cups of sage tea a day will help stop your milk. Good luck xxx
ReplyDeleteMy daughter self weaned so I didn't have to go through this but I was bit sad that she did it at 9 months as I expected at least 12 months ;-(. My sister was breastfed until she 27 months and my mum went cold turkey with her. It's hard but at least you know she won't be starving and you will have to expect tears as she has relied on the breasts for comfort for all of her life! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain Jennifer! I would like to night wean Lillian. She'll be 21 months on the 28th, and she still nurses whenever she wants, day or night. I'm really suffering at night. Especially with my fatigue and nausea with this pregnancy too now. I am so scared to night wean her...she only knows how to fall asleep while nursing, and I'm always wanting to give her the comfort she seeks from my milk...but I think even HER sleep is being too disrupted by her constant nursing! And I agree with you that nursing a toddler is HARD!! They have big sharp teeth and are so wiggly that the nipples get punished quite a lot! Ouch! Keep us posted on your journey! I am going to go check out the blogs of your other commenters here, because they sound like they might have some info I can use for Lillian too!
ReplyDeleteIt's so good to write about these things, because I know everyone has such different experiences with breast feeding. When Avery was in the NICU she took the the bottle and REFUSED to breastfeed after that. It was so painful for me to not be able to breastfeed her, and I was so resentful of pumping breast milk. Enjoy your last few weeks breastfeeding your sweet girl, and I know this post will help other moms just like you!
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard! You've done an incredible job to get to here - what a wonderful gift you've given to Chloe. Really. My daughter was about two months older, I think, when I decided I couldn't handle the night feeds - which could be anywhere from one to two to four or five. (I suppose I was still demand feeding - I fed her every time she woke up.) We weren't co-sleeping anymore, which I suppose made the transition far easier, but she randomly slept through one night so I thought this was my chance. So I sat her down and told her that I didn't make milk at night anymore. I said she could have milk before she went to bed, and once she woke up, but that I was really sorry but I didn't have any more milk through the night. She cried (no close me-me! We called it me-me). But she slept through that night again. (Little bastard, I thought!). On the third night, she woke up, and she cried when I told her I didn't have any milk and I cuddled her. (That was really tough.) But after a few nights, she stopped asking for it. She didn't sleep through every night, but on the nights she didn't, she happily accepted a cuddle. She weaned herself in the day, maybe 5 or 6 months after that. I know it's a process that I started, but the fact that she coped with it so well, made me feel good about the decision, too. Even though I was so sad when it finally ended! Gutted, even. It's a beautiful thing, and it's really only there for such a short time. Obviously there are no rules about how to go about weaning/night weaning - but one thing that is lovely which comes out of it, is that you are giving them their independence, which is also a wonderful thing. I wish you the best of luck! Kellie xx
ReplyDeleteThank you all so much for your kind and encouraging words, they mean the world to me! I have been feeling so guilty about wanting to wean my daughter but reading your comments has shown me I am not alone in this journey! I am definitely ready to start the weaning process and will have to check out Dr. Jay Gordons approach to night weaning since I have heard from several of other Mama's that it worked well for them! Thank you again ladies for you encouraging words! xo
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