Lately I have been feeling frustrated with Chloe, and I feel incredibly guilty for having these feelings towards my daughter. I love Chloe with all my heart and feel so grateful and blessed I get to spend everyday with her but lately all I can think about is how much I need a moment to myself.
I want a moment of complete silence, with the sun shining down on me and the wind dancing across my skin. I want to be able to take a deep breath, to not worry or be touched or to nurse. The thing is, I probably could have a moment like this, my parents or brother or sister would absolutely love to watch Chloe but I cant help but feel guilty for "pawning" her off so I can "escape" Motherhood. What if she gets hurt, or needs to nurse, or cant stop crying? What is she is scared and wondering where I am and I'm not there to comfort her? What if she feels like I don't love her anymore? What if she has more fun with other people and never wants to be around me again?
I think the biggest reasons I have been feeling so frustrated and exhausted is because Chloe has been very fussy and clingy with me lately and everyday after I put her down for a nap she wakes up in tears the moment I try to leave the room and will only stay asleep if I lay down with her. Then at bedtime Chloe is comfort nursing all night long. It feels like I'm never getting a moment to myself anymore.
One of the main reasons we moved back to Chicago was to be near my family, to have their help and support. I know they would be more then happy to watch Chloe from time to time so Mike and I could go on a date or so I can have some much needed time alone buts its difficult for me to not feel guilty about not being able to do it all. I know I need to realize though that I'm important and need to take care of myself and that Mike and I's marriage is important and we need to have the time to grow our relationship. I know I need to make a change, the last thing I want is to take my frustration out on Chloe because I was to scared to ask for help. I want Chloe to always know how much I love her and that every moment we spend together is so very special to me.
How do you deal with Mom guilt and what things do you do to recharge?